What is Abuse?  

Whether it's from your partner or pastor, abuse is abuse!

What is abuse?
Abuse is an attempt to control the behavior of another person. It is a misuse of power, which uses the bonds of trust and dependency to make the victim vulnerable.

Below are some signs that you may be being abused. If you are experiencing ANY of the following, CONSIDER YOURSELF ABUSED!

Emotional/Verbal/Psychological Abuse

  • Do they make you fearful? (fearful of God, or fearful of their pastoral authority)
  • Ignoring your presence (speaking against you although you're a part of their congregation)
  • Name calling (like faggot, sissy, dike, etc.)
  • Being sarcastic or critical
  • Degrading you or your family
  • Laughing in your face (during their sermon)
  • Brainwashing (YOU NEED a spiritual father in order to speak to God and they are that spiritual father. / You HAVE TO believe all they say, because it's what God said)
  • Walking away from you in discussion. (your pastor avoids talking to you about the issue and his/her words when you confront him/her)
  • Refusing to do things with you or for you (denying you a position on their staff, in the ministry, or employment)
  • Treating you as a child (threatening to discipline or embarrass you if you try to leave or speak up)
  • Finding and verbalizing your faults
  • Commenting negatively about your physical appearance
  • Comparing you unfavorably with other men and women ("Straight" Men and "Straight Women" are REAL or GODLY men and women)
  • Having a double standard for you (Your pastor does EXACTLY what they preach against, but you're the one that's considered the abomination)
  • Telling gay-hating jokes

Financial Abuse

  • Withholding money and/or denying access to employment opportunities (TD Jakes stated in 2001 that he does not hire gays within his church!)
  • Diverting, embezzling, or controlling funds (giving your money to the church and your pastor is driving around in a Mercedes while you're still on public transportation)

Spiritual Abuse

  • Degrading one's beliefs
  • Withholding means to practice (participate in the church ministries)
  • Forcing adherence to a belief system (if you don't believe as they do, or believe what they say, you're going to hell, or are threatened with being "kicked out" of the church)

Defending Yourself Against A Homophobic Attack


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